I'm gonna do it!

Eventually I have no idea how ,but I'm gonna do all my exams and I'll pass them all for the first time.
The problem is that I'm getting exhausted and nervous and even though I know it's stupid I wanna scream out loud ( which unfortunately I won't do due to the other 20 people living in the house).
I really do hate the exams because they are showing no respect to me even though I was attending on all the courses. It makes no sense that I was there was paying attention and what do I get now?? Makes no sense all the thing I'm reading.
Very well, I'm gonna study HARD and pass all the exams and then I'll be just happy.
Making no sense, right?

home alone

Yeah well it sucks to be alone.
I mean alone like sure I need to study but how about I am also a human being so I would need some socialization at some point. Well good for me. I should find some friends that I could hang out. Apparently none of them are available.
School is making me crazy, too many papers to write make a presentation which I really don't want to, because I don't like neither the topic nor the fact that I have to present it..
so I guess I'm just gonna prepare something that's good enough to laugh at and so I won't need to worry about the fact that anybody want's to commit a suicide while I'm telling all the boring information.
I don't know I just feel really sad but let's hope my mood'll change soon..

crazy day

So today was way too crazy.
Let me begin with the horrible night I had. I couldn't fall asleep and when I thought I am I could't feel my right leg it was all numb and it took a while to get back all the sense. Then I became nervous and didn't want to fall asleep because I was afraid what if I won't feel my leg again. So I really hope it won't happen ever again it was horrible!
So then somehow I could sleep and woke up at 6:50 to the sound of the alarm, then again went back to sleep and then the next thing I knew I'm staring at my phone trying to understand what does 7:51 mean. When it changed to 7:52 I sort of understood it shows the time but it took me another minute to realize I'm in big trouble. I was suppose to be at 8am at the University.. Anyways I was just putting on clothes shoes teeth brushing and so on at the same time, then I biked just as fast as could so I wouldn't be super late because today our first class was Oral presentation skills and we were debating..-Legalizing euthanasia in Hungary- well if we look at the whole debate it was good and fun, but if I take myself personally then I could tell some bad things that are still bugging me. First of all I missed somewhere the information that each of us has to give a 5min speech depending on which team (pros/cons) are. So I had some pros and cons prepared but not like I'll have to give a speech. Believe me it's not like yeah I can talk even for an hour without preparing, well yes if  the topic doesn't matter but today it really did. And because I was the 3rd in our group of 4 it wasn't really easy to really talk and in the end I got a bit confused and was mumbling :( But well yeah it was funny still because the other team needed to ask and I answered them even the "Who can decide about one's life" question with a "I don't know , well God of course!, who am I to judge?!"   :D
So then I was late again from my other class because I didn't see the time.. Then on the 3rd class I was arguing with some of my classmates but not really arguing more like I was trying to say something opposite opinion and they were like: "No but we said so so this is it" Finally the teacher told them if hopefully they do understand my point which is more relevant than what they were saying.. so I guess I'm the bitch now but I do not care haha I don't even know their names :D
Finally I had 35 min to get home ea something get my laptop and go back to school. Then I had to do my experiment, well basically just tell them the instructions and show the face slides then collect the questionnaires. And now I put all the data to SPSS.. I just felt I need to write.
BECAUSE! I hate all these form a group and talk do make something. I seriously felt like asking the teachers if me one person as group is a possible option because well 1. So many lazy people!
2. I'm still much more effective alone!
3. I hate when I have to do everything and all the others just give their name, well No thank you!
4. Now I'm in 2 really crappy situations, conclusion: NEVER EVER be with your friends in a study group it is the WORST!
5. I may have to ask the teachers if I could do the 4-5 person project alone because hell I'm not going to give my name to a crap or let give anyone else's name to my work so Booya!
So but I mean somehow on the English class everything is ok it seems they don't hate me even if they do they don't show it so it's ok and I don't care about the group work because it's always temporary so it's good.
oops I think I wrote a bit way too much.Well:
Good night :)

stupidity at it's worst

Today I woke up and I saw a really good friend of mines blog. Well what she doesn't know is that she made a post that she later either deleted or just put it invisible but because I  have subscription somehow my Gmail message showed what was the original post. And I don't understand why she deleted, anyways it's not my business but the fact is that it really made me angry. I mean not my friend but the situation she was writing about. There is a man who's insulting her time to time with really rude messages and acts like he's the head of the non-existent maffia. What this man is doing is absoluteley disgusting and has no reason to do it. Not only once he used verbal abuse, tried to frighten and intimidate her based on -how surprising- NOTHING. And now he just excluded my friend from a Facebook group that was supposed to ment for every Hungarian who lives in Finland. And the thing is that not only she got excluded, now everyone who likes her blog or is friend with her on Facebook gets the chance not to be a group member. I mean I don't care if I can't be in the group because anyways I didn't wanted to be and I guess in the future as well my opinion will be the same, BUT I'm sure there are many people they want to be in the group because of many various reasons and I think -I KNOW-he doesn't have a right to delete people just because they're my friend's friends or readers or just simply in contact with her. And here I ask what can she or the other people do against him/situation??

Ps. At this point I'm feeling like it would be nice  if I'd have many readers to spread this situaton but on the other hand I feel safe with my audience because I know more or less who they are.

Things

Last weekend I was home alone with my sister.. Well I guess we should never study together again in the same place at the same time because we always have to say or comment on something that is much more interesting than studying.
But at least we could talk a bit so it was good, and we baked some rainbow-like muffins.
And here I am in Pécs since Monday and I can still say that I'm a really good friend of mine. Plus my room is more than crowded  I have my bike, a rack for drying my clothes some empty bottles on the floor..
And the Hunger game is on. I mean it's not like I'm not eating it's just that I'm so lazy to cook or go to the shop to buy some food, so during the weekend the cooked meal is not really happening. But today I'll try to boil at least some potatos. (yeah it makes me feel Finland..)
And the fact is that I'm still missing Helsinki!
I wanna go back every day, so I guess this feeling is pretty stable and the good part is that every time I feel really upset I'm thinking about the time I have to spend here so I can go back to Finland..

So after the 3rd week of the University I can state that I'm my very best friend.

Ok just to make it clear, I have friends other than myself. But I feel super weird being again in Pécs. At the University I feel like a real Finnish student, just go in sit, listen to the class and leave without socialising not even a bit. Unless my friend is there. Then there's always the possibility, that we can gossip and make fun of others. And maybe it's a really rude conclusion but all the colleagues are GEEKS. There's one girl she's somehow really irritaing, but on the other hand she's really usefull when I'm at the boxing class and I need to imagine someone to punch. So if I'll be really good in boxing I might have to say thank you to her. 

Yes this is something I started: Boxing. So far I was 2 times on training and both of the times. It's not that easy as it seems but hopefully I'll get better in it, and then it'll less complicated and more fun.

Just for the record: I'm doing it only for fun and I don't have the slightest need to do it as a profession. Plus moneywise it's the best training I can do 3 times a week 1,5hour training I guess it's more than good and the price equals with 10liter milk for a moth..

But so back to the University. I have a couple of courses I really enjoy, because they're interesting and sometimes even funny, on the other hand I have 1 course that is human genetics and I swear I tried to focus on what the teacher was explaining but the only thing I could remember is  that Angelina Jolie amputated both of her breasts because she had a high chance for breast Cancer. 

And there is one course I have in English which I find the most useful class because it's aim is to improve our oral presentation skills. Luckily both of the PHD student teachers speak fluent normal English (normal means the way they speak).

And here I am with 2 researches to write. Getting a bit super antisocial and already realised how uneffective is my working style..

I WANNA GO BACK TO FINLAND! Nyt heti!

not good

I have been thinking last night.

And here's what I could figure out- there are 2 options and I think I need to choose but the problem is it's not that easy.

1. I'll go to Hungary for 11 month and finish my BA and it would cost a fortune and I'm not sure how happy I can be there but yeah I'm kinda use to it that really nobody cares about my feelings I'm the only one.. And that would be a waste of time of my life because I would never ever do anything with that paper if i can get it + I would need to get from somewhere money after it to be able to come back to Finland. 

2. Since I got a job offer and it seems it's still on I could stay and get payed (it doesn't really matter how badly) I could get my Finnish skills to a much better level and do the BodyPump instructor training course. So I wouldn't get any psychology BA paper but I could get an instructor license. And save up money for the following year if I get in to a study place and I could afford the living on my own more or less. Not talking about I would be happy and feel good.

But here's the thing I did the first 2 years of the psychology so if I quit now than all the money that was invested in it would seem just a huge amount of wasted money. So the guilt is huge.

 I hate this whole thing and I'm really afraid that I'd become a homeless and I really don't want it. Because obviously I won't stay in Hungary but again if I don't have money I can't live here either so I would need to work again before being able to start my studies here. And I don't feel  too young to waste all my time. And it seems I'm not that smart because my final exams I had 3 years ago would worth less than nothing nowdays in Hungary. 

Here it's still good.

Feels like rain

So today in Finland the school officially started.
Yesterday Aino asked me if I could come too to her opening ceremony in the German school, and of course I said yes in case her parents agree as well.
It was super fun-everything in German and Finnish and I got on the list of who're aloud to pick her up from the school..
And suddenly it hit me: I have only 2 more weeks and then 11 months in Hungary. It sounds like a survival camp, but I know I wanna come back for good so it keeps me still alive in the emotional sense..
I'm thinking almost every day that c'mon I'm so young why do I need to finish the psychology BA but then I remember that if I would take an other gap year I wouldn't be able to finish it later because then my student status would expire.. sooo stupid.. and it's not really the reason because I would't care about it but the problem is that it costs so much that now I need to finish it.. Although on the other hand if I wouldn't finish my studies than that money that I could save up from this coming last year I could invest in something else here.. I hate this really hate it but it's decided and I need to do it.
And an other topic: so I had my birthday last Thursday and wow 22..whatever who cares but it was my first real celebration..But and I'm complaining again I was expecting from a friend to write and she still hasn't done it and I know she must have seen it on facebook or wherever and now I'm confused again that fuck it why?? how come we meet 2 days earlier and 2  and 2 earlier days and she says nothing??
Well here I am and as every other human being I have feelings too and it's super hard to pretend everything is OK when it isn't!
So now my 2 last week.. I'm gonna try to enjoy it as much as possible.. And yes sports a lot! Finally I really don't care because it makes me super happy and somehow now there are instructors telling that I'm coming or coming to the class it feels funny weird and supergood at the same time and the thing is that I'm just the annoying costumer so I don't know after 1,5 year how come one of them wants me now to come or come . Because I understand the other 2 doesn't know me juat 5 /2 moth ago that can be ok to be able to deal with me but 1.5 year??.

outu lintu as a weird bird. Yesterday in the sauna after training I met a girl who told me I can use this expression in Finnish for a weird person. Well, I guess I should use it for myself: Mä oon outu lintu..
in Finnish the letter 'ä' is pronounced as an 'a-e' mixture. I was joking about it yesterday because the instructor was pronouncing it so clearly that if she would tell me a text that I should have been writing down I guess I could have done it correctly. I asked her after class how she says it and then I asked if I'm telling it good and she and 2 other Finnish person told me that for them it sounds correct so I shouldn't be worrying about my pronunciation..

Today I was thinking about next year and that I don't really wanna meet anyone new except my friends I have because they're good and I'm really not a social person. For sure it'll be super weird to speak only in Hungarian so I'll try to get into contact with the Erasmus students. At least for sure they won't speak too much in Hungarian.. As for Finnish I'll try to skype, though I have no idea whom and how- but will see.
well I still have a month to think about it.
And nowadays I'm really pissed off some people. There is this instructor who -I have no idea why- thinks that she can do anything, meaning she can stand wherever she wants even if someone was standing already in a spot she just jumps 5 cm next to or in front of the other. And today one of her instructor friend came and she jumped the same way but in front of me. When she was looking for a spot to stay she looked  at me and I was just about to go a bit backwards (because I didn't wanted to kick her during class) she told me to stay there because it was originally my spot, so at least she understands that there are other human beings on planet not only she and her friends. (anyways I let her stay after this kindness next to the rude instructor and I was hoping she would kick her..) Well next time if I'll see this rude instructor for sure I'll stand next to her but so close that if she would comment on it it'll be enough to say: "thank you master I learned this from you!"

the last work-day

Well I thought tomorrow is my last working day but the father told me during lunch today is my last day. If so, then I'll take it easy tomorrow and just relax if the weather is good, maybe go to the beach meet some friends if so..
But it's not that official so I didn't start planning yet.
The last few weeks were the same old-same old; I was the kindergarten and today I managed to play for the first time in my life with small toys. Ok it could have been so because the Muumit toys are my favourite and I can do different voices so more or less I could even enjoy it, but the thing is that still I find it boring.
I really loved those evenings we were out in Hietsu beach on Saturday I was swimming in it, yesterday we acted like 16 years old teenagers, whatsoever it was fun! :D
the last 2 Fridays I was in Stadikka springboard diving, my leg is still a bit greenish from the bad dive but it's ok.
Wow,  I just realised that basically I can't write anything interesting now.

it happens

So I went swimming on Friday. This sentence was't true but it was the original idea. When we went out to the pools I saw that the diving area is still open for public, so I said Bye to Itzel and went jumping 1 hour long. It was awesome, but one of the back dive's landing didn't really work out nicely, so I landed face down with full body.. And it hurt..and now all my tights are super purple..8and it's weird because I have been landed many times much worst but never had any purple marks..) BUT when I told the story in Finnish to the twins one of them was so cute, she asked me:" Mahaplatsi? Kuin jääkarhu eleintarhassa?" which means "belly jump, like the polar bears in the Zoo?" well I was laughing so hard after this announcement :D

just a "regular" day

I was home with the twins and one of their friends (actually I really like that girl she's kind of the same hyperactive as I was)
I can still enjoy those situations when I misunderstand what they´re trying to tell me and I create a similar sentence with a totally different meaning..This was actually today more than a helpful mistake because one of the twins didn't want to collect snails with the others so she came inside and started to throw herself up and down and screamed and whined-at the same time the father from upstairs shouting LOPETA and HILJAA( stop it a sh*t up) -and told the following sentence: "Tylsääää, koko kesä menee pilalle!"-meaning "Booooring, the whole summer is ruined!" And I repeated: "Koko kesän pihalle? Totta kai mennään pihalle! sit tuu.."-Which means: The whole summer in the yard? Of course we can go outside, then let's go.." At this point somehow the father stopped shouting from upstairs (I guess he was either laughing at me or thinking that I really am crazy..whatsoever he stopped) And Hertta was laughing but still whining that ei pihalle PILALLE! then I explained her that if she's whining and talking at the same time I might misunderstand, so it happened again and again but I can't remember those anymore.
Then again out of blue at 3:30pm one of the twin had a brilliant idea to take a bath. According to the fact that their bathing rate per week is 1!one!yksi!ein!un!uno!.. I said ok ask the others if they want too and I was so happy they even played with a soap..
And we had many ups and downs, but tomorrow the neighbor girl comes again! :)

life goes on

I need to confess.
nowadays when I'm walking alone most of the time(when I'm not running to catch the bus) I have all these funny and weird thoughts about people. Like yesterday a girl walking really slowly or at least it seemed too slow because I couldn't pass her because of the roadblocks.. Whatsoever I was thinking that maybe if she would look up instead of staring the floor would help on her image. Because you could see this girl didn't have much self-confidence. And you could even think she was older than her real age. It might get confusing but my point is that then I felt ashamed of my thoughts that why am I laughing if I can be and more important USED to be the exact same as she was yesterday. So no judging. I know when I don't feel good I can look ugly, disappointing, and now (finally close to 22-but it's never too late) I know that it helps if you get together your guts and walk head's up and try to look nice. Well apparently yesterday I almost even believed I'm nice..
Other funny people the drunken girls at 3:30pm and the don't care that everyone's staring at them how awful they look.. the lonely drunks dancing around the city and the shouting bus-drivers are my favorite..(I'm glad that I'm not a tourist, for sure I would get lost)

Then again yesterday we saw an action with Petra. I thought it's not happening or just a joke and eventually it turns out I shouldn't be a Formula 1 racer because I couldn't make a decision in less then 1sec.. What happened is that a most possibly shoplifter guy running  with an open bag and a security ogre running after his and shouting to push him/catch him which was addressed to us, but after the guy passed us a man just pushed him and of course he fall, then the ogre handcuffed him.. Well it was quite a scene but then again my first normal thought were that they must have run a huge distance because the closest shop was 2 blocks away..

Still not interesting? I'm truly sorry!

How about last weekend with the girls(and now I mean adult girls not the kids)
Finally I swam in the sea not even once but twice! If we count the water sun water then 3 times.
some pictures of the sea and the night after. Feel free to create stories I still don't know what does the tomato and the lemon do together :D in Finnish: Täh?

TÄH??

Boobies-the difficulties of bikini shopping

-Yes, it'll look good on you!
-No, I think you should get the XL from the upper part, you have big boobs!
-Do I need the strap or it'll hold my boobs..
And so on..
Well Petra made my day with her comment on her boobs: "Yes, I know these strap less upper parts are really good for me since my boobs forgot to grow out" So this message is for all the ladies who have small boobs there are really great advantages for you: you don't have to care about the shape or the straps because it'll stay in place!
Not like in my case: big boobs: STRAP is needed !Unless!->you have Rubint Réka breasts (silicone) because then it holds up. Well my natural creatures needs the extra help to stay in place against the gravitation!
So we didn't buy any bikini today but let's see..

But we went for a walk and had a smaller picnic next to the sea..

Last day of daycare+ Linnanmäki

It was weird. I had a feeling that it'll be hard, since the end of a good period is always hard. So luckily I could go also when we picked up the twins from the daycare from their very last "eskari" day. It was so nice they said goodbye, but it was surprising and funny for me, when one of the girl after telling each teacher goodbye came to me and asked to take her up. First I thought she thinks she has to say bye to me as well, but then somehow she just came..
After this we went with the whole family to Linnanmäki (nickname: Lintsi, the amusement park in Helsinki). We separated, S. came with me and the twins and the parents went together. It was super cool. On the Vuoristorata, the oldest roller-coaster, we went 12 times, then 8 times on Linnunrata (inside the building in the dark a roller-coaster with some UFO things time to time). On these 2 I made some sound effects and it was so funny how no one knew it was me and not originally there and everyone was screaming :D We agreed with S. that Lintsi should pay for me because of the cool sounds  I  can entertain everyone. H. one of the twins told me in the end of the day that I should apply for the Muksupuksu train that's for the small kids, because I would be really good sound for it. (I have no idea what you have to do there since I couldn't go because it's really for small kids, but apparently it means it has a driver..)
I could talk S. to go on 2 things she's never been, because she was afraid of it. But in the end she even liked the Ferris wheel (Rinkeli). And on the scary roller-coaster (Tulireki) we went 5 times after all :D Well S. managed to convince me to go on Mustekala that is a spinning and  lifting octopus but it happen in the first half an hour and then I felt sick for 2 hours. We were on the smaller free fall thing but then once we agreed that she'll  go to the carousel while I'll go the the big -60m- free fall game (Raketti) and we meet after it.(good that it was next to each other. That was awesome!!
In the haunted mansion (Vekkula) there was a moving staircase and my trousers ripped, so after it was a bit funny to walk..
But before closing I went on Ukko, the scariest roller-coaster alone! So  I'm proud of myself that I tried it and survived :D
After almost  8hours I think everyone was exhausted, the twins went to bed right after dinner and slept :D

Lohikäärme

first round on Rinkeli

Mustekala

Vuoristorata

Tikkurila juna

the hole

I need proper FOOD!!

I really do need proper cooked meal.
The last 3 days I've been eating bread and cheese which is sorry but not just boring but I'm starving.
But I guess it's just an other exotic food day maybe I should try to get some energy from the Sun..
I don't know how but I guess I should recommend for all Au pair applicants that ASK the family before coming, that how often you won't get food. This should be one of the first questions.because in that case it may even worth to pack your luggage with some ready food that you can put into the freezer and when it's time you only need to warm it up. -ok I haven't done such a thing- but right now I would  go wherever to eat a plate of cooked dish that doesn't contain pasta. According to this an other advice if they mention we eat a lot of pasta that definitely means they only eat pasta maybe once or twice you'll get fries or smashed potatoes and once a year rise..
But otherwise do become an Au pair it's fun and you can learn a lot, maybe you don't want to have kids afterwards maybe you wanna get pregnant immediately.. so several outcomes are possible.
And yes, I'm still hungry!

interesting

Ding dong?
On Saturday evening a couple left earlier a party because they wanted to watch the Eurovision song contest and someone asked back : "Ding dong?" Everyone just laughed and i had to think that it could't be the Hungarian ding dong song because everyone was Finnish.
When I got home Petra wrote me that the Finnish song was horrible and when I listened to it I could agree. On the other hand it's so bad that it gets stuck in your head and so today when Siiri came home from school we were singing it for 4 hours..
And today I managed to sing it in the cloak room after gym..
I hope everyone else'll have the same problem ;)

You know what?
Well,  I don't know either. Probably I should be fluent in Finnish by now and should be able to understand everything and so on. Apparently I do not understand everything I understand certain kind of topics and that's it.
I like to read and nowadays that I can read whatever I want I chose bus over bike just to be able to read.
And  I need ice cream. And cake. And tampons. But it's Ascension day so I have to go to the center to get those thing. Which I will right now. By bus. Center. S-Market. Walking with Jessik after it so afterwards it'll be a really nice and useful afternoon.

Seriously I don't understand nowadays what's going on.

It's getting lighter and lighter which is more than great and I went already a couple of times by bike and once for a run as well.

On Friday evening I decided to run 45min. I made my track list and then not knowing where to I just started to run. Eventually I ended up first in Vantaa, at that point I turned back and decided to run next to the river, but then the road ended so I had to turn back because even though I had my phone with me I didn't wanted to get lost (I can still remember November's 1.5 hour night tour). But at least it took exactly 45 min house to house. I just checked the distance and 7,2 km I don't know how good or bad it is according to the fact that I  don't run often (it means 3-4 weeks ). But after all it felt good. 

Yesterday after training I went to bike tour that was organised by IESAF and one of my "classmate" from the Finnish course was the host of the event, but the guides were real tour guides and they told us a loads of interesting facts about Helsinki. I didn't know  the half of it. The weather was super good, the sun was shining so I even got my sun-allergy activated.. and what I was the most afraid of after my friend called me that she locked herself out thus couldn't come that I won't have any company and will be alone with my bike for the whole tour, well I could talk to a couple of people and they were really nice :) And I met with the first Brazilian person who speaks German (it turned out he's half Austrian). I can say it was one of the best 3 hours this year!

And on Hakaniemi square during our coffee break stop we saw Tarja Halonen the former Finnish president (well I knew you can see her time to time there because she lives close and goes out to the market as every other person but some of the people were with the "omg" expression on..)

Today I was lazy and when I checked the time it was already way too late to go for the walking tour but I guess it could have been also super fun!

This year's Ice Hockey World Championship started on Friday, so far were 2 Finnish games, both of them Finland won: 4-3 against Germany and yesterday 2-0 against Slovakia. Hyvä Suomi!! 

Let's hope they're going to bee good enough to get to the best 4. And I'm really glad that last year and this year as well Finland-Sweden are the organizers and I can be here. 

And what I don't understand is people nowadays. I really hate when I finally think hat someone is more like  a friend and it turns out that I care 100 times more than (s)he about me. So maybe I should do like one of my Friend does: not to contact those people and see what would happen. And maybe  my fears would come true and none pf them would contact me. After all it wouldn't be so surprising since I'm the one who offers to meet  most of the time. I just don't understand WHY?? and I 'm telling it after I looked in the mirror so without any guilt! Booya!

Stockholm

Jettäbra!

For the first time in my life I was in Sweden in Stockholm..woo yeah..

Well first of all it's like "oh whatever" for the Finnish people especially the ones who are living in or close to Helsinki, because sometimes -like I managed too- you can get really cheap offers (2€ this time) to go on the cruise Helsinki-Stockholm-Helsinki in 2,5 days (34hours on boat-2nites in a cabin and 6 hours in Stockholm)

It was fun, on the boat it was French weeks so all kind of French music, cabaret were + we were talking with Itzel for 30 hours also French when we remembered that by the way we can speak French..

Actually during the nites we felt really young because the boat was full with all these really old couples and big families. But at the end we didn't care and we danced too..

Stockholm was pretty nice, we got really lucky because it was only snowing for the first and the last 30 min we were there.

so some pictures: