I'm hurt. Emotionally hurt. And I'm stupid as well. The fact is that I didn't get invited to go out but obviously I could see the picture on instagram and then got to ask to tell that they're sick instead of they're freaking hangover. Well yeah I guess I'm only good for being nice. Actually it hurts really much. I should have known I'm not enough for them. It sounds like I'm whining again which is true yes I'm whining but then again this is how I feel plus it started to rain and I have to be in school in an hour.
I hope I'll be enough one day to have friends. #fuckmylife #foreveralone
Wednesday, September 24
Saturday, September 20
Dear my life,
Lets whine a little bit more
I feel miserable because I have feelings and it annoys me. It would be so much easier if I could be just a normal psychopath without feelings I guess that would simplify my life a lot. Then again it's nice that I'm not a psychopath because then I'd cause problems and that wouldn't be nice.
So the thing is that I'm kind of really into someone whom I know is dating someone at the moment so it makes no sense to have feeling for that person. But then again I have so it's really hard do act like "hey dude" whenever we meet, And I've been thinking if I should explain myself so then it might get to a conclusion and it might be I won't feel anything after that or just that it'd be a relief for me that I let know my feelings so then I don't have to act weird anymore.
So I really don't understand this thing why I have to have feelings for someone. weird.
This was the Sunday news have a nice rest of the weekend.
T.
me
Lets whine a little bit more
I feel miserable because I have feelings and it annoys me. It would be so much easier if I could be just a normal psychopath without feelings I guess that would simplify my life a lot. Then again it's nice that I'm not a psychopath because then I'd cause problems and that wouldn't be nice.
So the thing is that I'm kind of really into someone whom I know is dating someone at the moment so it makes no sense to have feeling for that person. But then again I have so it's really hard do act like "hey dude" whenever we meet, And I've been thinking if I should explain myself so then it might get to a conclusion and it might be I won't feel anything after that or just that it'd be a relief for me that I let know my feelings so then I don't have to act weird anymore.
So I really don't understand this thing why I have to have feelings for someone. weird.
This was the Sunday news have a nice rest of the weekend.
T.
me
Wednesday, September 3
So I guess let's blog again
In the last couple of days the blogging topic came up so often that I was thinking even if it sounds like for some of you that "Well she's just blogging about her miserable life" it feels good to write.
Especially since I moved to Finland for 3.5 years at least this time.
Ok first of all I can't complain because I have some friends whom I really really like and it's nice to have them so it's good.
But I started my studies with totally new people (24 out of 30 is Finnish- superinternational-bazinga) and ever since the first day I'm crazy in my mind thinking all the time that oh will they accept me or am I gonna get excluded because I'm a foreigner or because I'm rude or too shy or whatever reason.. And my point is that every time when I get these thoughts my brain starts to yell at me all that I have to STOP thinking like that since I've been through many things. Yes well I am sorry but one you were bullied you can't just ignore your thoughts that what if it happens again?
About bullying it was finally useful to watch Britain's got talent because there was this two 12 years old guy rapping and singing based on one of them's own experience an ANTI-bullying song. And I think this song can be really eye opening for everyone.
It was however really nice during the weekend I was at one of my classmate's place with 8 other classmates and I really enjoyed that I could go somewhere. And then yesterday we ended up at an other classmate's place which was also really nice.
But in the meantime I'm still worried if I'm gonna get excluded because of whatever reason. Well I hope not. I really do. It's hard because I'm a "foreigner" and they mostly speak Finnish with each other and my Finnish skills are limited so sometimes I have to interrupt them and ask them to speak English which I guess can be annoying. Well I'm not sorry for that because I came to an international program and I'm doing my best.
And the fact is that I'm already liking my classmates and that's why I really hope they won't hate me.
Especially since I moved to Finland for 3.5 years at least this time.
Ok first of all I can't complain because I have some friends whom I really really like and it's nice to have them so it's good.
But I started my studies with totally new people (24 out of 30 is Finnish- superinternational-bazinga) and ever since the first day I'm crazy in my mind thinking all the time that oh will they accept me or am I gonna get excluded because I'm a foreigner or because I'm rude or too shy or whatever reason.. And my point is that every time when I get these thoughts my brain starts to yell at me all that I have to STOP thinking like that since I've been through many things. Yes well I am sorry but one you were bullied you can't just ignore your thoughts that what if it happens again?
About bullying it was finally useful to watch Britain's got talent because there was this two 12 years old guy rapping and singing based on one of them's own experience an ANTI-bullying song. And I think this song can be really eye opening for everyone.
It was however really nice during the weekend I was at one of my classmate's place with 8 other classmates and I really enjoyed that I could go somewhere. And then yesterday we ended up at an other classmate's place which was also really nice.
But in the meantime I'm still worried if I'm gonna get excluded because of whatever reason. Well I hope not. I really do. It's hard because I'm a "foreigner" and they mostly speak Finnish with each other and my Finnish skills are limited so sometimes I have to interrupt them and ask them to speak English which I guess can be annoying. Well I'm not sorry for that because I came to an international program and I'm doing my best.
And the fact is that I'm already liking my classmates and that's why I really hope they won't hate me.
Sunday, July 27
Zürich for the twenty somethingst time
So we arrived yesterday evening to Zürich and it was raining like.. well like it was raining.
Finally today in the afternoon it stopped so we went to the center to take a walk (4 hours long -can't feel my legs anymore). And though we've seen the city a thousand times we could still discover (at least me) some new features of it. For example the penises craved out of crystals (see below the pictures) and some Portuguese university students singing and dancing which was also fun. Otherwise the city is the same, by the lake there was some kind of marathon like running going on but nothing special except that.
Probably tomorrow we'll go to Winterthur- I guess I have never been there before but it might be that I was just too young to remember.
Finally today in the afternoon it stopped so we went to the center to take a walk (4 hours long -can't feel my legs anymore). And though we've seen the city a thousand times we could still discover (at least me) some new features of it. For example the penises craved out of crystals (see below the pictures) and some Portuguese university students singing and dancing which was also fun. Otherwise the city is the same, by the lake there was some kind of marathon like running going on but nothing special except that.
Probably tomorrow we'll go to Winterthur- I guess I have never been there before but it might be that I was just too young to remember.
Saturday, April 5
National nation
Tomorrow in Hungary we're going to have the National Elections. Actually I should have written National Election because it looks like if someone won't vote for the now ruling party then his/her vote will be discharged. Anyhow I'll go tomorrow and try to act against what's going on now and I don't want to use the slogan "National Mourning"after Sunday.
I was just thinking about that since only a miracle can overthrow the Fidesz party, so let's just take a look at how National the country is going to be. (For those who are not familiar with this fact, about a year ago in Hungary tobacco can ONLY sold in the National Tobacco Shops that are owned mostly by Fidesz related entrepreneurs) *
*=Starting now, sarcasm is used predominantly.
So after the election a couple of things are going to be changed like:
1. Alcohol can be sold only in National Alcohol Shops.
2.There will be only one newspaper : National Newspaper
3.There'll be once a month obligatory National Soccer Games to visit.
4.National Sexshop is the only place to buy condom or any other National accessory.
5.The National News is going to be obligatory for everyone at 7pm to watch on the National Television.
6. The National Cockade (tricolor) must be worn everyday even on pajamas.
7. There'll be every year an National Rezsi/Energy price Reduction Day (Nemzeti Rezsicsökkentés Nap).
8. The National Peace March is going to take one National Week in National colored clothing.
9. Only the National Language is allowed to be spoken.
10. The dirty words must be National Dirty Words, such as 'A nemzeti k^rvanyád'. (You National Motherf^cker) or Nemzeti b+ (National Fuckyou)..
Such a lovely country, please come and visit National Hungary.
To cross the country you must have clothes in red, white and green! with a basic knowledge of the Hungarian history especially Trianon!
I was just thinking about that since only a miracle can overthrow the Fidesz party, so let's just take a look at how National the country is going to be. (For those who are not familiar with this fact, about a year ago in Hungary tobacco can ONLY sold in the National Tobacco Shops that are owned mostly by Fidesz related entrepreneurs) *
*=Starting now, sarcasm is used predominantly.
So after the election a couple of things are going to be changed like:
1. Alcohol can be sold only in National Alcohol Shops.
2.There will be only one newspaper : National Newspaper
3.There'll be once a month obligatory National Soccer Games to visit.
4.National Sexshop is the only place to buy condom or any other National accessory.
5.The National News is going to be obligatory for everyone at 7pm to watch on the National Television.
6. The National Cockade (tricolor) must be worn everyday even on pajamas.
7. There'll be every year an National Rezsi/Energy price Reduction Day (Nemzeti Rezsicsökkentés Nap).
8. The National Peace March is going to take one National Week in National colored clothing.
9. Only the National Language is allowed to be spoken.
10. The dirty words must be National Dirty Words, such as 'A nemzeti k^rvanyád'. (You National Motherf^cker) or Nemzeti b+ (National Fuckyou)..
Such a lovely country, please come and visit National Hungary.
To cross the country you must have clothes in red, white and green! with a basic knowledge of the Hungarian history especially Trianon!
Monday, February 10
It was quite a while when I made my last post but to be honest I wasn't really in the mood to write. Plenty of interesting stories happened so now I can present a few out of them.
Well first of all 2013 Christmas some presents, visiting family members finishing research papers, not celebrating the end of the year. Then came 2014. nothing special still finishing the research papers, then finally the 1st semester was over. So I had almost 3 weeks of holidays which I spent at home and I applied to Helsinki for social services and nursing so I started to study for the entrance exams. Of course I could meet with my friends , unfortunately not all of them but well the thing is when someone tells me that she'll let me know when we could meet then I'm so not gonna ask her When Where Why-you're-not-telling-me-a-thing.. so now I'm back in Pécs an still no news from her.. Last weekend we were at my cousins' and were killing 2 pigs. Well that was a bit more than complicated it's always funny and frustrating at the same time when the whole big family and others have totally different ideas of one thing and they try to force their own ideas on the others so finally a great chaos is formed and ain't nobody knows what to do or who to hit.
Well the last week was awful except that my sister came to visit me during the weekend. The (hopefully) last semester started for me and it's horrible. I can say out of the 7 classes and 2 research papers I can pick none that I enjoy.. So I hope this week it'll be somewhat better because it's just making my nerves explode.
Well first of all 2013 Christmas some presents, visiting family members finishing research papers, not celebrating the end of the year. Then came 2014. nothing special still finishing the research papers, then finally the 1st semester was over. So I had almost 3 weeks of holidays which I spent at home and I applied to Helsinki for social services and nursing so I started to study for the entrance exams. Of course I could meet with my friends , unfortunately not all of them but well the thing is when someone tells me that she'll let me know when we could meet then I'm so not gonna ask her When Where Why-you're-not-telling-me-a-thing.. so now I'm back in Pécs an still no news from her.. Last weekend we were at my cousins' and were killing 2 pigs. Well that was a bit more than complicated it's always funny and frustrating at the same time when the whole big family and others have totally different ideas of one thing and they try to force their own ideas on the others so finally a great chaos is formed and ain't nobody knows what to do or who to hit.
Well the last week was awful except that my sister came to visit me during the weekend. The (hopefully) last semester started for me and it's horrible. I can say out of the 7 classes and 2 research papers I can pick none that I enjoy.. So I hope this week it'll be somewhat better because it's just making my nerves explode.
Sunday, December 8
I'm gonna do it!
Eventually I have no idea how ,but I'm gonna do all my exams and I'll pass them all for the first time.
The problem is that I'm getting exhausted and nervous and even though I know it's stupid I wanna scream out loud ( which unfortunately I won't do due to the other 20 people living in the house).
I really do hate the exams because they are showing no respect to me even though I was attending on all the courses. It makes no sense that I was there was paying attention and what do I get now?? Makes no sense all the thing I'm reading.
Very well, I'm gonna study HARD and pass all the exams and then I'll be just happy.
Making no sense, right?
The problem is that I'm getting exhausted and nervous and even though I know it's stupid I wanna scream out loud ( which unfortunately I won't do due to the other 20 people living in the house).
I really do hate the exams because they are showing no respect to me even though I was attending on all the courses. It makes no sense that I was there was paying attention and what do I get now?? Makes no sense all the thing I'm reading.
Very well, I'm gonna study HARD and pass all the exams and then I'll be just happy.
Making no sense, right?
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