Today I reached a point when I felt that I'm out of my comfort zone so I just rushed home from the bar.
But before talking about that I have to mention a couple of things first.
So now that I had an exam last week that I still don't know if I passed or not we started a new course which is super interesting and useful but then again partly in Finnish. And I don't mean the Finnish course that's obviously in Finnish and also I have to make a 15 min presentation about a social services related topic.. will see..
But the human rights part of the course is totally in Finnish and we only got instead of the tons of material that the Finnish people can understand only one pdf file/topic.. so it's shitty because I'm super interested in all sort of human rights related topics but it's just super hard to understand/translate them to English so that I can actually understand..
So that was already a thing that started pissing me off since Tuesday. Finally at least the questions for the essays one of my classmate translated so that was nice.
But then today we had a team meeting at 11am and I was planning on getting up at 8,30 to write the 1st topic and to wash my hair but instead I slept back somehow and woke up at 10.13 which meant that I had only 10 min to get ready and so i couldn't do any of the planned stuff, And the in the evening 3 of my classmates had a combined birthday celebration in a bar where I didn't wanted to go because I wanted to just stay home write my papers and watch some shows.. but then I went because I felt even though I knew nobody gives a damn about me when I'm there it's still polite to go. But I was feeling all the time that I just wanna get home and finally after 4 hours I just stood up and said politely have fun and bye.. But then probably it was a bit awkward for them but I didn't understand why since anyways they were only talking in Finnish so it didn't really seemed to me if id would be a big problem if I leave..
But sorry nosorry many things are bugging me and it just all got combined with my antisociality issues so now I'm off for the weekend.
And I also come to the point when I started to think about my life. Most certainly I'm living in a bubble that would include having friends. Well apparently my school friends are just school friends and they don't really want to hang out with me other than combined programs so I shouldn't really bother with them either. I hate hearing that 2 person gets always invited over to watch movies and stuff and I know I'll never be which is super ironic because a month ago I was at the very same table when the whole idea came up but nowadays I just hear either after they watched a movie or when they are planning on watching one.. it hurts my feelings because I don't know what have I done to get excluded.. so then again well it happens probably I'm just too annoying fine,
it still hurts though
