again

I just can't understand what's happening inside me. My feelings I mean. Because in theory I'm super smart and I know that I should just stop having feelings for Beany (I made up a name now so that I can refer more easily while writing). I mean it is just taking away too much energy from me mentally mostly so that I can't focus on things. And what doesn't help on the situation that Beany acts very very bipolar e.g. in school I'm the last person to talk to and constantly I'm avoided and then if we see us later on outside of school settings then I can be a sort of friend. (yes I said sort of because I'm not sure anymore if I'm being hated or not). And I have this constant need to write/snap chat Beany. And off the amount of replies -because most of the time I'm not sending anything finally- sometime I just think that Beany hates me or just very much dislikes well f.it its too late I can't even see what I'm writing hopefully full of typos..