I'm hurt. Emotionally hurt. And I'm stupid as well. The fact is that I didn't get invited to go out but obviously I could see the picture on instagram and then got to ask to tell that they're sick instead of they're freaking hangover. Well yeah I guess I'm only good for being nice. Actually it hurts really much. I should have known I'm not enough for them. It sounds like I'm whining again which is true yes I'm whining but then again this is how I feel plus it started to rain and I have to be in school in an hour.
I hope I'll be enough one day to have friends. #fuckmylife #foreveralone

Dear my life,

Lets whine a little bit more
I feel miserable because I have feelings and it annoys me. It would be so much easier if I could be just a normal psychopath without feelings I guess that would simplify my life a lot. Then again it's nice that I'm not a psychopath because then I'd cause problems and that wouldn't be nice.
So the thing is that I'm kind of really into someone whom I know is dating someone at the moment so it makes no sense to have feeling for that person. But then again I have so it's really hard do act like "hey dude" whenever we meet, And I've been thinking if I should explain myself so then it might get to a conclusion and it might be I won't feel anything after that or just that it'd be a relief for me that I let know my feelings so then I don't have to act weird anymore.
So I really don't understand this thing why I have to have feelings for someone. weird.
This was the Sunday news have a nice rest of the weekend.
T.
me

So I guess let's blog again

In the last couple of days the blogging topic came up so often that I was thinking even if it sounds like for some of you that "Well she's just blogging about her miserable life" it feels good to write.
Especially since I moved to Finland for 3.5 years at least this time.
Ok first of all I can't complain because I have some friends whom I really really like and it's nice to have them so it's good.
But I started my studies with totally new people (24 out of 30 is Finnish- superinternational-bazinga) and ever since the first day I'm crazy in my mind thinking all the time that oh will they accept me or am I gonna get excluded because I'm a foreigner or because I'm rude or too shy or whatever reason.. And my point is that every time when I get these thoughts my brain starts to yell at me all that I have to STOP thinking like that since I've been through many things. Yes well I am sorry but one you were bullied you can't just ignore your thoughts that what if it happens again?
About bullying it was finally useful to watch Britain's got talent because there was this two 12 years old guy rapping and singing based on one of them's own experience an ANTI-bullying song. And I think this song can be really eye opening for everyone.
It was however really nice during the weekend I was at one of my classmate's place with 8 other classmates and I really enjoyed that I could go somewhere. And then yesterday we ended up at an other classmate's place which was also really nice.
But in the meantime I'm still worried if I'm gonna get excluded because of whatever reason. Well I hope not. I really do. It's hard because I'm a "foreigner" and they mostly speak Finnish with each other and my Finnish skills are limited so sometimes I have to interrupt them and ask them to speak English which I guess can be annoying. Well I'm not sorry for that because I came to an international program and I'm doing my best.
And the fact is that I'm already liking my classmates and that's why I really hope they won't hate me.